


Never Forever

by RaberandBee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Character's Name Spelled as Jaeger, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Is a Sweetheart, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15208169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaberandBee/pseuds/RaberandBee
Summary: Levi is on the run after murdering his uncle. He abandons his twin sister, Mikasa to join the Monochrome Masks.He joins the Tier Ten, The Monochrome Ten, the faces of the organization. He earns his mask.But what will come when his sister is in danger and he saves her and her adopted brother? What will happen when his sister and her two childhood friends escape only to join the masks?What will happen when they are in the group being trained to replace a mask when a tier ten leaves? When Levi has to train the strange new recruit, Eren Jaeger.They fall in love, of course.





	1. Ch.01 - Abandoned

What am I supposed to feel? Maybe mourning? Should I be sad he passed? Should I be sad Uncle Kenny can’t pat my head and praise his ‘perfect niece’ when I come home with good grades or with some achievement? Should I miss him asking me how my day was or laying with me on the couch and rubbing my back? 

I don’t miss it.

I don’t miss when he would yell for small things like opening a door too often. I have to ask him permission for near everything, but he gets angry when I knock to his room to ask something. He took us in, but he isn’t kind. I don’t miss the whores he brings home. When he drinks he becomes worse. 

Or became…

 

With Mom gone, he wasn’t shy to the bottle. 

Should I miss him when I can’t wear a bathing suit, anymore? I can’t go out with my friends like a normal teen to a pool and swim. Most suits have exposed back and mine is more than ugly. It’s marred and harsh. 

My skin screams in the texture of anger. Skin is burnt and twisted. Lines of pinks, tans, and whites stroke in all directions from anything he could have broken over me. Any number of broken bottles or cigarettes could have left its mark over these last nine years. 

 

It’s not just me, it’s my brother, too. We are near similar in more than genes, but experience and scars. Levi knows the very same face of flushed intoxication that haunted me. He knows the feeling of a shaky fist making contact with skin and following through. He knows the sting of skin against skin and the spit dotting your face while you stood at attention. 

He also knows the hungover apologizes. He knows the long talks of when Kenny was young or when Mom was around. He knows the hug. The hug when Uncle makes you feel guilty for not being more attentive to his needs and recovery. The hug where you feel most worthless and ugly. The hug he makes you give after he apologizes. As a little kid all I wanted was Mom or Uncle Kenny to hug me and be proud of me, but now I dread that hug the most. 

But I don’t have to anymore. He’s dead.

 

And I am alone. 

 

My older brother isn’t even here to comfort me. He’s not here to share my pain. He’s not here so we can console each other and cry it out like I mock but secretly desire. They are both gone and I can’t help but feel empty. I stopped feeling after Levi told me goodbye. I lied there in my own piss and blood as the police arrived. I shut down long before they wrapped me up and took me in the ambulance. My injuries throbbed and burnt, but I was near use to it at that point. My head radiated with a headache that just kept coming. But the most damning thing was the dragging feeling of my weight holding me down. My chest empty but full nonetheless. Like there was all too much and not near enough. I could feel it in the center of my chest and my back. It clung to me like a constant bruising punch to my sternum. It just wouldn’t give. 

 

This emptiness followed me into the hospital. It followed through all the poking and prodding of exams. A rape kit? His custard was screwed, but not enough to get his libido on.

I almost, just barely, felt a flick of anger.

And I craved it. I felt something and I craved more. So, when the officers came in for questioning, I was more than delighted to grab onto that faint feeling and dig my nails into it. I held on and let it ride me out. They didn’t get far with me and had to come back when I had ‘calmed down’. 

When Eren and Armin hauled ass into my room, snot and tears ruining Armin’s pretty face, wet sobs, and hugs… I felt the sorrow for once. Not for myself, but him. For my brother who murdered his father figure who taught him everything he knew aside from French, then left his sister behind. Levi left me. I’ll be separated from Eren and Armin, too. I’m not old enough to live on my own. They will stick me in a halfway house… I just know it. 

 

I almost broke then, but the straw on the camel's back was Ken’s funeral. I sat front row and just didn’t care. Everyone wept and cried. No one believed he did this to me and blamed Levi for my extensive injuries.

They repeated the same lines. We are the selfish kids that made our mom take her own life and the ones who killed our ‘do no wrong, precious uncle’. We had a home, clothes, family, and Levi killed him and I let him. Oh, but I am also a victim of that devil boy as they wrongly assumed. 

No, I am a victim of my own weakness. I let it go on so long that Levi resorted to killing our abuser. 

They called Levi a monster. They are wrong. Uncle Kenny and Levi… They were people. But Uncle Kenny was dead already. He killed himself when he found us huddled crying under his swinging baby sister. His little sister who had been dead for three days, with her ill children refusing to leave her, but unable to cut her down. He died that night and we watched as he decayed. They were just men.

And I wanted to be angry. I wanted my uncle to rise from that casket and own up who he was. He was a coward and he should have ended it with her as he threatened. I want him to show his hand but he burned ours along with his and left us ash. I want them to see the liar he came to be. 

I want Levi. I want to shave his precious long hair for leaving me. I want to scream at him for letting me down. He left me behind with all these humans and I don’t know where he went! He could have taken me with him! I would have run.

He didn’t have to call the police and it would have given us time to get away! But no matter how much I yell or blame, I don’t feel anger. I feel lonely. 

I have Eren and Armin, but they aren’t my other half. But they are all I have left.

 

Watching the casket cradling him softly into the afterlife descending left me confused. I don’t hate him. I don’t fear him. I never have, only his actions. Now, I want to open the casket and curl in and rot away with him. 

Mom is here. They never secured a grave site together, but she is buried next to their grandpa. The boys said they would go with Mrs. Jaeger to warm up the car while I say hi to mom before they take me back to the hospital. Eren’s dad, Dr. Jaeger is my doctor. Otherwise, I doubt I would have been let out without supervision.

 

I guess it is cold out here. Not even my sinking loneliness can force me into denial of my express destain to the cold. My legs are frozen in my jeans and my ears have long since lost feeling. I can feel snot edging to drip down my nose causing me to make an irritating sniff every few seconds. These dumb people keep assuming I am ‘staying strong’. It’s called an oncoming cold, you douche. 

I almost wish I could cry so I’d have an excuse to leave sooner. If I have to hear one more person blather on about God’s hand and treading stone, I might vomit blood. It’s hard enough breathing with a bruised lung and two broken ribs, I don’t need to be surrounded by teary-eyed liars wishing me prayers and condolences. I don’t really care that he is dead, just that those few moments I could lay on his chest feeling the solid warmth and his rumbling heart… smell the oils and cigarettes on him… Cheap deodorant and a faint scent of mildew from the crawl spaces at his work...

I’ll miss that. Those moments where he truly was my family. When we’d watch a documentary together or he’d tell me stories of when he grew up. I’d point to his scars and he’d tell me of forgotten injuries.

Does Levi feel the same way? Does he miss that? He never really laid on Kenny’s chest like I did, but he went fishing with him. He went mushroom hunting and skinned deer with him. Kenny taught him to fight, fists and knives. Kenny was so proud of him when he got All-Stars in softball his first year and won most his matches in kickboxing 23 - 5. Or when Levi won Spell Bowl a few times… Does he ever miss it? 

 

Does he miss me? 

 

The last image I remember of my uncle is him wheezing with sweat, face red with double barrel whiskey and anger. His body exerted from fighting with Levi. The seconds of his face relaxing, tears run down his cheeks, mouth opened pathetically. The man that bled out above me looked nothing like my uncle as Levi tore his hunting knife out of his gut with a twist.

And Levi was still fuming. He had spent minutes wrestling Kenny away from me, the smell of my vomit putrid in the air. My bruised stomach and shredded back pulsing in time with my heart. My throat raw from screaming and acid… 

Levi was covered in blood, face twisted with years of pent-up rage throwing his usual obedience out the door as he shoved the blade into the soft inner side of Kenny’s arm. Ugly sobs tore out of the normally calm teen. He screamed with all the rage I wish I had. He ripped it out and aimed close to the inner thigh, tearing through the dirty denim of the drunk’s pants. 

 

He left it in his leg a few seconds as he lowered Kenny to the floor, steadily. Kenny’s dark eyes wide; body, sweaty, pale, and slack. Levi huffed a few more seconds before warily gripping the handle again and pulling it free once again. It clattered against the wooden floor. Blood, piss, and vomit heavy in the humid air. 

 

“I’m sorry, Mika… So sorry…” He trudged through Ken’s pockets and pulled out his cracked phone, edges holding tight to dirt and streaked with skin oil. He dialed the police and dropped the phone. 

With one last wail, he stomped the corpse time, the lower abdomen. Rank scents permeated around us as the body twitched ever so slightly for a few fleeting moments. 

Levi huffed and walked to me. For a second I believed he’d help me clean up and wait for the cops. I mean, he did it in self-defense, right? Or rather… Defense of another.

But he only sat me up and propped me against the wall. His busted lip dribbling blood leaves an imprint as he kissed my sweaty forehead one last time. 

 

“Goodbye, Mikasa.”

  
  


By the time I come to from sick memories, my body is crouched before my mother’s tombstone, shaking. I hadn’t realized I had made the trip, but I am glad I had nonetheless. 

“M-om… Look what he’s- he’s done to u-us. Look wh-wha-at you’ve done… You left us all alone…  with that man. And now he’s dead and Levi is go-one.” I heave and choke around my own words. I couldn’t rush air in fast enough, my lungs burn.

My shouting would have caught some attention of others if she hadn’t of been buried so far away. 

 

“Mikasa?” 

 

I throw myself away from the tomb violently sucking air in. My eyes burn with tears and my nose trickles around the shape of my lip. I wipe my face with the sleeve of my dark hoodie.

“L-Levi? Levi?” I just barely ask in fear I would break this image. 

 

A stark pale man with pale blue, near grey, eyes stoops to my eye level. That must have irked his inner clean freak. That was always one of the few differences in our appearances, aside from age. My eyes are dark blue, his’ are bright like the afternoon sky. 

His face is slightly patched in minor blemishes and dusted with scars. Small white lines cut up the patterns in small silvery scars. His upper lip suffers from a deeper cut angled on the side. His hair is no longer his prided long dark length. It’s cropped to his cheekbones, short whisps escape to his forehead but is parted neatly. He has an undercut.

 

“Mika, breathe for me. Shh..” His larger hand cups my face and he rubs my shoulder down to my hand. He speaks softly like he did when comforting me after Kenny had an episode. He holds my hand firmly and brushes my cheek softly. 

“Five things, sissy. Just five, can you do that?” 

 

I nod dumbly and search his face, “Yo-our hair… It’s- uh, short. It’s not… It’s not longer than mine, anymore.. It’s no-ot… You loved you-r hair.” I try to breathe in and force my body to relax. I have a bad habit of holding my breath when overwhelmed. 

 

“That’s good.. It’s short, now… You finally beat me, didn’cha?” His smiles softly and kisses my forehead again. That small safe smile. The one reserved for those he loves. “Come on, another. Try touch.” 

 

I nod still hazy around the edges. “Cold… The ground.. The wind… it’s cold.” I wrap my arms around my waist, my hand reaches up to cup the base of my throat in its V. 

 

“It is, isn’t it.. I shouldn’t be wearing shorts or a tank, should I?” He chuckles and pulls me close to his chest. He rubs up my back and leaves a lasting kiss to the top of my ratted hair. It’s probably oily and gross. This must be setting him off like a firecracker.

 

“Yes, but.. You’re warm. I taste my gum… Strawberry. It’s soggy. It is um.. The flavor is almost gone.” 

 

“Ew, wanna spit it out?” He offers his open palm to me as he did in school or as kids. I know how much he hates the saliva, but he rather it than liter. Though, he only did it for me. I nod but spit it to the other graves. It might be rude, but I don’t care at this moment. 

“I-I hear people. I don’t know what they are saying.. But.. I hear them.” I offer weakly. 

 

“Most of them have left, Kasa. Eren and Armin are probably waiting for you.” He whispers warmly in my hair. I can feel the retained heat build up and my arm is jutting uncomfortably. I can feel his knee dig into my hip but neither of us moves just yet.

 

“Hmhm.. ‘Prolly waiting on me.. ‘M tired..” I yawn in his hold. I barely register I haven’t slept in near three days. 

 

“You up for the last one or are you good?” He scratches his fingertips at the base of my skull, fingers spreading to reach the knob at the back of my ear. 

 

“Hmm… You smell like Hanji’s. Their cologne.. ‘N deodorant.” 

 

“I’ve been living with them, sweet. Bouncin’ from their place and Erwin’s.” He whispered like he a reassuring mother trying to explain the monsters under the bed aren’t real. 

 

“You left me. Why’d you leave me…?” I sniff, becoming more aware that he is really here. Levi’s physical form… My big brother is on the run and he is out here in public and telling me where he’s been. But they checked Hanji’s and Erwin’s. They probably keep a strict eye on everyone Levi could have gone to. To me. But he’s here. 

 

“Levi? Are you really here?” I whine. I feel his body shift as he nods his head. 

 

“‘M really here, ‘Kasa.” 

 

“Don’t leave me again,” I force my tired aching arms to reach and hold him by the bend of his arms, “You’re not allowed.” 

 

“Never forever, sweetheart. I’ll always come back.” 

“Promise me, Bubby?” 

“Promise, Sissy.” 


	2. Therapy and Questioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Hey, so I don't actually know how an investigation goes, especially in this scenario. So please bare with me.   
> Thank you!)
> 
> Mikasa goes to a psychiatric investigator. And she is fostered by the Jaegers.

“Hello, Mikasa,” a dark skinned woman smiles softly to me and offers me a seat, “I am Dr. Potts, or Lauren, if you prefer. “

 

I am meeting a sort of investigative psychologist for the first time. I not gonna lie, I am kind of scared.

 

When Kenny was around, even the school nurse was off limits to us. He would punish us or tell us stories of how CPS would separate us. That we could end up in homes with a rapist for a dad. He would say horrible things about police officers, bank tenders, or any government official workers. Even construction on the roads were a direct insult in his eyes. Like the world purposely went against him. 

 

And this woman is the one that is suppose to help me talking about my brother and Kenny.

 

“Mikasa? Are you okay?” 

 

I nod subtly, “..just spacing out..”

 

“Is there something you would like to talk about first?” She tilted her head and kept her gaze soft, smile patient. How could he believe such things? 

 

Everyone I have met so far has nothing but been kind. They have been patient. Even when I threw a tantrum in the hospital. And I kind of hate it… They were just like Levi. He never rushed me. He told me rushing would lead to losing. Keep a clear head and think. 

But it is so hard…

 

“Not really..” I keep looking down at my hands, trying to stop analyzing the features of Dr. Potts. She has her hair dyed blonde and cut close to her scalp. She has a dark mole on her cheek next to her powder pink rimmed glasses. She is a bit heavier set and wears pretty and soft colors. She is the exact opposite of what Kenny would say. He would drunkenly ramble racist slurs and talk bad about people of color. About how they are no good. They were all thugs. They all do drugs.. They’d beat little girls like me…

 

But this woman is kind. She is a doctor or officer of sorts. Not that Kenny had anything nice to say about cops, either. 

 

She doesn’t look or seem anything like Kenny would say. She looks like a mom that actually packs her kid’s food for school and goes to their sports events. 

I use to not know what term to call people of different skin types. All the words I knew were the ones Kenny said or the ones the people of my small town would use. I didn’t know what was okay. But Levi told me to just say people of color. He read it online since he was just as sick of being forced to hate people because of their skin or culture. 

 

This woman just looks like kind and my heart aches for it… 

I wonder how many things I was taught was wrong... 

 

“Would you like me to start?” She has been sitting in silence with me as I got lost in my own tangent in my head. So I nod. 

 

“Alright, would you like to talk about your friends? We can ease into it first.” She quirks her mouth slightly. Her expression reads fond but I can’t imagine why.

 

“My friends.. They are Eren and Armin. Umm… Armin is super smart and pretty like a girl. And uh.. Eren is pretty dumb and hot headed, but… he is very.. Determined. Yeah.. They are both really loyal… They are so kind. Been there all my life.. Especially Eren.. His parents would let me stay over, even though I am a girl. He is annoying and a bit selfish, but he really does want to help the world. He tries to be like my brother, sometimes. It’s kind of cute.”

 

“When Kenny…. When I got hurt, he would cheer me up and make me really happy. And when Levi would pick us up… He would make sure he was okay too..” 

 

“It sounds like you like this Eren.” She joked. 

 

My face heats a little bit and I pick at the fray of my shirt., “Umm.. I use to.. But now they are like brothers... Armin is great, too. He is super smart. He reads all these medical books and books on plants. He wants to be a traveling doctor. He wants to help in places like places hit by natural disasters or famine. He is super smart but not very strong. I don’t think he needs to be, though. If he wanted, he could plan out your entire life and convince you into anything he wants without you knowing it. He is almost scary, but he is too shy and nice. He likes taking care of people., like his grandpop.” 

 

Her eyebrows raise over her glasses, “Wow, those sound like really good friends. But you mentioned your brother. Are you ready to talk about him?” She wrote something down. I didn’t realizing she was writing when I was talking earlier. 

 

“He isn’t bad.” I say firmly. My brows crease and I look into her eyes. I curl into myself remember all the times he held me while I ached and cried. 

 

“I am not here to judge you or your brother, Mikasa. It’s alright.” She tries to placate me. 

 

I curl back into the soft chair. “He isn’t bad… He is my hero. He saved my life.” 

 

“You say your friend would make sure your brother was okay. Could you tell me more about that?“ 

 

I cross my right arm over my chest and grip my left. My left hand holds the base of my neck. “Yeah… We both got hurt a lot.. I think him more than me… Kenny taught us to fight a little. But with Levi, he took it seriously… He taught him how to fight with knives.. How to disarm people..” 

 

“He taught your brother with knives? Do you know the extent?” She asked cautiously. 

 

I know this is apart of the police investigation. I signed so she could use information of Levi for the case. Since I am technically fostered by the court until the Jeagers finish the paperwork, the signature was accepted even though I am a minor. I don’t even think they needed my signature, really. 

 

I want to help my brother. I just know if they knew the truth they would understand. 

 

“Umm.. Kenny had stabbed Levi in my stomach before while sparring. It was an accident but Ken said it will toughen him up. We couldn’t go to the hospital… So… Levi had Armin stitch him.. I think we were 10. I mean, Bubby was 15. After that… He learned how to do it himself and stopped telling me when he got hurt bad... But I know he has a lot of scars. He has a twisted circle scar on his shoulder and a few burn marks from Uncle Kenny’s friends. He has a jagged scar on his leg,” I extend my leg and mark up the front of my lower leg, up to my knee, “It gets super deep here where a piece of metal went in.” 

 

Her eyes look a little owlish, but she soon goes back into a neutral understanding. “Do you know how he got that?”

 

I nod, “Kenny was teaching him how to hop fences.. But wanted him to break him of his fear of heights. So, he had him climb the old Gates building by the public library. You know, the abandoned factory thing? Well, he was on an old ladder and I saw Levi slip and fall a little before he caught himself. He caught his leg on a broken piece of metal. It went into his knee… He had to pull himself off it and climb the rest the way up before Kenny would help him.” 

 

I remember the tears and the sting from being smacked when I screamed. Kenny wouldn’t let us get him until he got the rest the way up. It was the only time we went to any type of doctor, and it was Eren’s dad. 

 

“What about the circle scar on his shoulder? Do you know what that might be from?”, she continued writing.

 

“Um… I don’t know. It happened after he stopped telling me about his injuries. But.. He was in bandages for a while. He would pretend to be fine, but I saw when he moved his arm too much, he would look pained. And he still has hard times lifting with it.”

 

“How.. How are his arm and leg now? You and your brother have no medical records past ages 3 and 8.” 

 

I stayed silent. I don’t want to out Mr. Jaeger for the favor he did us. Kenny threatened us that if we talked, Eren would be taken away from his home, too. 

 

“It’s okay.. We had help. Bubby is strong anyway. He didn’t even cry.” 

 

“Okay, okay… What about you… Can you tell me anything about your home life?” 

 

“Umm… Maman died when we were kids… I don’t really remember her. But Uncle Kenny does- did. He would get angry when she came up… He drank a lot and he gets all soppy. When he wasn’t moping, he was angry. Bubby and I shared a room. We didn’t have a lock so we use to jam our desk chair under the knob. I really like school and Levi and I are both on honor roll. He told me if I keep straight A’s and do well in sports, he would take me, Eren, and Armin to the beach at the end of the year. I guess that won’t happen now, but it at least got Eren to a B+ streak.” 

 

“I don’t really feel anything about my home life. It was just home. Sometimes that hurt, but not always. Sometimes home was good. It meant Bubby cooking traditional French and Japanese meals when he got a random splurge of money when out with Kenny. Sometimes that meant trying to learn French and Japanese with Bubby to keep Maman’s memory alive. We use to call her Haha because it was how to say ‘my mom’ in Ojiisan’s native language, but we felt like Maman made for sense since it sounds like Mama.”

 

“Bubby and I mostly read and played outside. We like soccer a lot and he is really good at basketball and baseball. Kenny worked mostly. He even cooked every now and then. It was mac and cheese, but he made it the way Maman did. He only does it when he really misses her. He wouldn’t talk those days. But Eren and Armin would get to play. We always had to go to their houses ‘cause Armin liked to stay home and watch his grandpop and Dr. and Mrs. Jaeger always let us stay to eat. We tried to teach them how to defend themselves since Armin got bullied a lot when we weren’t around and Eren is hot headed so he and Jean always starts fights.” I sit up and start pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. I slump down and lock my hands again. I try to keep talking about all the good things because it makes me feel safe. It makes me comfortable. But it reminds me… What if they take Levi away? No, I can’t think like that. He promised to come back.

 

“Uh, sometimes Kenny would play with us. He played catch and basketball mostly. Sometimes he would spar with Levi and wrestle me. Sometimes we’d sit in the living room and watch TV. I’d always lay on Kenny’s chest and end up napping with him. Bubby always covered us with my comforter..” I smile to myself at the memories. 

 

“Mikasa… How do you feel about Kenny?” She asks without judgement. 

 

“Not much, really. I use to want him as my dad. I wanted him to love me.. To be proud of me. When he hurt me I thought it was okay. It was my fault… But he started getting worse. It started becoming more violent when Maman came up. He… Then, I want to believe he was a monster. But he wasn’t. He was just a bad person. He.. Kenny was pathetic, and I feel sorry for him. Levi could have become just like him, but he decided to take care of me instead. Bubby says we were the ones to find Maman hanging… I don’t remember it. Bubby does… He use to have nightmares of finding me just like he did Maman. Bubby was so scared but he wanted to learn to protect me.”

 

“Everything he did was to take care of me. People don’t really like him because he is blunt. He is rude, makes toilet jokes, he never smiles, he doesn’t like drama or talk to anyone that does, yet he is the biggest drama queen I know. When Kenny went on rampages, he protected me. He let Kenny hurt him. He would say things to rile him up and keep his attention off me. He learned to fight and he stole when Kenny forgot to feed us. He couldn’t work because he was afraid of Kenny attacking when he wasn’t home, but he can shoplift a few cans of food. When Kenny would disappear for a few weeks at a time, Levi had to find ways to pay rent and feed us since Kenny never left us money. Kenny did nothing but bad in the end. After Maman died, our Uncle died with her. He was dead for a long time. Levi could have done the same, but he is strong.” I realize I went off on a ranting tangent and relax in my seat again.

 

“Kenny is a failure. His family thinks so high and mighty of themselves and him.. They call my brother a monster. But they are both just people. Difference is Levi is a man and Kenny is a irresponsible child. And that’s coming from a twelve year old.” I huff in frustration. 

 

She asked me a few mandatory questions like if I had seen him since the incident, which I denied as subtly as I could, and our school lives. She asked about any specific traumas or the occurrence of the abuse. How we lived; food, plumbing, housing, all the boring stuff.

Dr. Potts writes something down and she looks to me almost reluctantly, “It sounds like you view your brother more as a parent.”

 

I nod realizing how right that sounded. I guess I kind of do… 

 

“Now, I have to ask this.. Has your brother ever killed anyone before this?” 

 

As soon as those words started coming out of her mouth, I felt my heart seize and my blood run cold. Vibrations of numbness run through me. “Levi… He’s not a bad guy… He..”

 

I wish I could be mad at her. I wish I could throw a fit. I wish I could throw it back in her face, ‘how dare you think that of him’. But I couldn’t… I almost wanted to lie and defend him, but I am such a bad liar. I already gave myself away, didn’t I?

 

“Please.. Please believe me… He didn’t mean to… Kenny had his friends over. They were all drunk and everyone else blacked out… But… Nile came into our room… He- I woke up to him covering my mouth and grabbing me.” I curl my hand at the base of my throat again and curl into myself. My stomach flips uncomfortably. I pull my legs in the chair with me and curl up a bit. 

 

“He woke up Levi and… Levi saved me… Levi was in shock and didn’t speak for a week. I couldn’t stop crying… Kenny kicked out his friends and told us he deserved it. He praised Bubby… He.. He took care of the body. Levi stopped going to school. Levi started closing himself off. He wouldn’t talk about it. He started going to work with Kenny, too… He never- he isn’t evil. He just- he was protecting me!” I cry to myself, silent tears slide down my cheeks and I don’t make a single sound. I try to even my breathing but I can’t help but hold it when I panic. 

 

“It’s okay, Mikasa… I understand.. He was defending you, you are okay... That’s enough for now. Would you like to take a break?” She offers me a box and stays seated. She lets me calm down before she leads me back to the waiting area. 

 

I had a hard time after that to talk about my brother or my uncle. I feel like I betrayed him. I told them about Nile… They are going to say he is a murderous monster. They’ll find him and arrest him. He has been with Hanji and Erwin this whole time… It won’t be long from now…

 

“Okay, I have everything we need today. I know this has been hard, but you have been very strong. We will continue tomorrow, but for now, Dr. Jaeger is waiting for you.” 

 

Oh yeah, Eren’s parents are filing to be my foster parents. Usually they wouldn’t let children go straight to the filing foster parents, but Kenny had them listed as next to have custody of us if something happened to him as our godparent. Like god-godparents. So, they are fostering us until they finish paperwork.

 

“Wait…”, I speak up. “Do you think Levi is bad?” I looked up to her. I kept hopeful eye contact. 

 

“Now that isn’t my place to-”

 

“Please…” 

 

She sighs and continues to fix her papers, “I think you are your brother had a very hard life. I think he is misguided and he made mistakes.” 

 

I figured that is all I would be getting out of her. 

 

Dr. Jaeger filled out the release form and we went on our way. 

 

“Mikasa, dear. I know today has been trying, but I wanted to ask you a few questions.” The man kept his eyes on the road in Mrs. Jaeger’s SUV. 

 

“Okay..” I mumble tiredly. 

 

“What did you tell them? Did you tell them anything about me helping you?” He kept his voice calm. But, I know he is worried. I assume since it was free and technically illegal he could lose his job and family. I wouldn’t do that to him. He has been so kind to us. 

 

“No, Dr. Jaeger. I didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t do anything to get you in trouble. You’ve been so nice and helpful to us… I’m scared Levi could have died if it wasn’t for you… Kenny told us it was a risk for you to help us, so… Thank you.” 

 

“Such a smart girl. That is very kind, and I am so thankful. I know it is sad and hard having lost your brother and uncle, but we have always considered you and Armin as our own. You have a home with us.” 

 

I clutch my chest where it is starting to feel way too empty and full. My skin crawls and my lungs feel too full. My skin in too tight. No. 

Not right now, not in front of Dr. Jaeger. I'm okay. If I panic too much, I might hurt myself further and act up my bruises and healing injuries.

 

I take in a shaky breath. I release. I breath. I release. You are fine, you are fine, you are fine. You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay. I repeat this mantra to myself under my breath. I calm quickly before I could work myself into an attack. If Dr. Jaeger noticed anything, he didn’t say anything. 

 

Everything will be okay. Levi is smart. Bubby will be fine. He promised me… He won’t leave me. Or at least never forever. Never forever…

 

The drive became quite. I watch as we come into an area I recognize. We aren’t far from the Jaeger’s. While I was in questioning and psychological examinations, they had my stuff moved into their house. I am in the room across from Eren. I miss him. I miss Armin. I miss Levi...


End file.
